All He Is > All I Wish For

I wish I could be faithful and that my love were steadfast...
but I'm thankful that He is always faithful and His steadfast love pursues me anyway.

I wish everyone who has poured into my life could always be close to me...
but I'm thankful that God blessed me through them and He is always with me AND He will finish the work He began in me, even if they're not nearby.

I wish life could be easy, sweet, and comfortable...
but I'm thankful for the strife, bitter tears, and pain because I know He is refining me, our hardships help us relate to others, these things push me to press in to Him, and He works all things for His glory and my good. Always.

I wish I could go to Moody and BCOM and the Honor Academy and Impact ME and everywhere else my sisters are going next year.  Every place.  At the same time.  Because then I could be with all of them...
but I'm thankful that His plan is perfect, He will remain with each of us, and He is more than enough.

I wish time differences didn't exist and separating distances could be freely spanned in seconds...
but I'm thankful that the Lord gave me friends - from Seattle, Dallas, South Dakota, Pennsylvania, Florida, Johannesburg, Zambia, Seoul, and so many other places - to be with for certain seasons; for letters, cell phones, and the internet; and that His plan is perfect.

I wish I knew how everyone I met in Africa is doing - Lesogo, Maggie, Abdul, Prudence, Piason, and all the others - and that I could be there to encourage them, pray with them, and walk through life with them...
but I'm thankful that prayer spans thousands of miles, He knew them before they came into being, He loves them with an everlasting love, and He has a perfect plan for each of them. 

I wish I didn't break His heart so often...
but I'm thankful that His love is steadfast and His power is made perfect in weakness.

I wish sin were never part of human existence...
but I'm thankful for the cross and God's astounding grace.

I wish I had all the answers to my questions and everyone else's...
but I'm thankful that in His abounding grace, God has revealed His character to us, and He is good and just and holy and faithful, His love endures forever, and He does all things well.

I wish I knew what tomorrow holds and every day after...
but I'm thankful that the Lord knows all things, His power is absolute, and He cares for me.

Wow.  He is so good.  He deserves more than all the praise we could ever give.  Imagine how much more we would praise Him if we set our eyes on all He is and all He has done for us rather than mourning what we do not have.  My foolish heart wears sackcloth and ashes too often, passing over the joy He gives.  We have so much to be thankful for.  If I wish for something I do not have, I am missing something greater that He is to me.  He is far more than enough to satisfy each need.

One night in South Africa, our Project Director asked us to think of all the good things that happened that day and thank God for them.  And then she said, "If you can't think of anything good that happened today, remember the cross."  See, there is always at least one thing to be thankful for. If we have nothing - if we lay dying with no friends, no family, no possessions, no wealth, no happy memories, no great accomplishments, no recognition - we should yet remember the cross, and that alone would still be enough to occupy our every word and thought with thanksgiving, if we set our eyes not on what we do not have, but on all He is.

For this and much more, I thank Him.  All He is > All I wish for.  Always.

"I give thanks to you, O Lord my God, with my whole heart,
and I will glorify your name forever.
For great is your steadfast love toward me;
you have delivered my soul from the depths of Sheol."
~ Psalm 86:12-13

What are you thankful for?  What has He done for you?

Africa #10 ~ Mulungu/Muzungu Anikonda? ... Both.

Twelve beautiful Zambian children are lined up for lunch. "Mulungu anikonda, mulungu anikonda," they chant. Big smiles. Yes, He loves each of you more deeply than you can ever know. Gideon's face leans out of line. Mischievous smile. "Muzungu anikonda, muzungu anikonda." He leads and the others grin and make the small change in their joyful chant. Mind racing. What?? Muzungu means "white person" in Nyanja. After speaking Zulu for a month in South Africa, I am bound to confuse mulungu and muzungu every once in awhile. Mulungu means "white person" in Zulu, but "God" in Nyanja. This is your language, though! How did you get them confused?
... "Ohhhh!!" They mean I love them. Oops, that was obvious. "Yes! Nikukonda! I love you, too!" I earnestly and giddily blurt.

This is possibly my favorite Camp Hope memory. In a situation with a fairly formidable language barrier, age gap, and cultural contrast, one wonders how much gets across. Do they understand? Do they believe what they hear? Do they see through the stories in the Bible and their experiences that God loves them? Do they know that I love them? Or is this all for nothing? I saw in their faces that my twelve twelve-year-olds really understood that their Creator, the Almighty God, their Father, loves them. That in itself was more than enough to make my heart leap for joy. Then they also let me know that they know I love them, too. Yes, this strange muzungu who butchers phrases in Nyanja and songs in Bemba, who thinks it's hot when all of you are freezing, who sings while we walk and march and dance and run until she has no breath left to make a sound... yes. She loves you. I love each of you very much.

Africa #9 ~ Grace

Once, there was a girl standing on a lawn in South Africa, her eyes welling up with tears she tried desperately to blink away. But then the young woman she was training with saw the pools and moved to reassure her. And then the pools turned to waterfalls and the suppressed sobs bubbled up out of her throat. Unexpectedly, a gentle but firm hand on her shoulder from behind, that drew her in to cradle her head in a mass of lovely, dark, curly hair. And then a sincere face and a purposeful voice that said, "Emily, people like you are the reason I come on these trips." You see, that girl was afraid of failure. That girl was unaware of her value and use. That girl was insecure and believed those watchful, loving eyes were judging her for what she perceived as failure. That girl desperately thirsted for love and affirmation. That girl believed it should never be given to her.

But there was that voice, telling her all those things were lies. That girl was a mess, but, "People like you are the reason I come on these trips." Because that girl doesn't have to be a mess forever. That girl can become, be made, beautiful.

It makes me think of Christ. I may be afraid, unaware, insecure and desperate, believing God is condemning me and agreeing so wholeheartedly with the basis of that condemnation that part of me doesn't want to be loved at all... but Christ says, "People like you are the reason I came."
People like you, friends, are the reason He came. None of your dark, nasty, gritty, disgusting, struggle bus, embarrassing, dirty muck can ever change that. Ever.

That's grace.

But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
- Romans 5:8