I promised to blog all about Africa when I got home but, despite my best intentions, that endeavor failed even to clear preflight diagnostics (like our plane from DC to Johannesburg). This is how quite a few conversations went soon after I found myself back in our little corner of the US:
Enthusiastic, completely innocent, genuinely interested friend - "How was Africa???"
Me [with astounding eloquence of course] - ... *stares back with open mouth*
First of all, I am so sorry if you were one of the people who have firsthand experience with that conversation. It's not that there isn't anything to say - quite the opposite! The problem is, when I consider an open-ended question like "How was Africa?", two months of experiences, thoughts, changes, and emotions try to cram into one coherent idea and... well... they don't fit.
This is my first update after 26 days of being home for the very same reason. Where to start? How do I describe two months of God-moments that all worked together to change my life? Every detail rushes in, the stream too rapid for articulation. Like our plane to South Africa, my blog updating was grounded because the back-up brakes were not functioning. If I took off, I ran the risk of being unable to slow my thoughts and would quite possibly crash and burn. I am daunted by the prospect of attempting to explain supernatural events in human words. There will indefinitely be an overuse of fairly non-descriptive words such as "awesome", "amazing", and "cool", but I promise to do my best and hope you can manage to bear with me. After sitting on the plane for at least an hour, it suddenly occurred to us that our God cannot be deterred by a brake malfunction and we prayed that God would fix those back-up brakes, choosing to trust that He had the power and He would do it. The pilot had been updating us periodically on the situation and it was clear no one knew what was wrong with the back-up brakes. After we prayed, the pilot came back on the intercom and said, "I'm not sure what happened but, for some reason, the back-up brakes are now working! Let's go to South Africa!" I am choosing to trust that my God, who gave me words of Truth and Life to speak to His lost sheep in South Africa and Zambia, will give me the words to speak to you of His glorious works.
Ready for takeoff.
Our plane to Jo'burg before boarding in D.C.
Waiting for the back-up brakes to work so we can take off.
From left: Heidi, me, Elizabeth, Olivia, Mikaela
Note: I'm going to start by addressing frequently asked questions. If you have a question about my time in Africa, drop me a line in the comments and I will gladly answer it to the best of my ability in a blog post.
In case you haven't heard, I'm going on a mission trip to South Africa and Zambia this summer! We are in single digits, my friends! Only 9 days left! There is a new page called "Africa" that has some information on the trip (including my itinerary and flights) and how this all got started. There are some helpful links at the bottom of the page. You can get there by clicking on the tab at the top of this page. I am so excited! It's been sneaking up on me! My last day of school is Friday, June 8th and I leave on Monday, June 11th. It will be like any other Monday except, instead of going to school, I'll be boarding a flight to Dallas. Crazy!
There is so much to do! I'm shocked that I don't have my suitcase out yet. There's still some shopping and wrapping up financial matters to do. I have so many thank you notes to write! I love that there are so many to write because it is a constant reminder of all the love and support all of you have poured out and God's provision. From day one, I have been reminding myself that when God calls us, He will send us - He will provide all that is necessary to fulfill the calling. Otherwise, why would He call? He has shown Himself faithful time and again from the day I said "Yes, Lord" to today. My parents said yes, He is providing all the money I need to go, surrounding me with people to encourage and celebrate with me, overcoming every obstacle. $5,337 is a lot of money, but today, I am only about $100 from being fully funded. Thanks be to God! In addition to all the preparations for the trip, I'm working on finishing up my junior year of high school. June 6: AP Calculus test, French written final, French Q&A final; June 7: Spring Choir Concert; June 8: AP US History project due, AP Language and Composition project due, Physics test, Physics final. Fun stuff! And the SAT is tomorrow! I almost forgot. It will all get done by the grace of God.
So I know I'm leaving in 9 days, but I still feel oblivious. I don't think the reality will hit me until I'm at least through SEA-TAC security... maybe not until I walk out of the airport in Johannesburg.
There are so many things to look forward to, along with all the things I will miss. I will miss my family, my kitty, my friends, and the people here who walk with my heart. The 4th of July, family trips to Orcas Island, summer youth group. I am so excited to have my birthday in Zambia!!! Best birthday ever! I'll be surrounded by beautiful children that I will have the privilege of loving.
I can't wait to meet my team! We have been able to talk on facebook and skype to begin to get to know one another. It has been such a blessing to be able to encourage and pray for one another, laugh and cry together (that sounds so cheesy, but it's true).
You can send me a message while I'm in Africa! Click here to get to the page. The link is also on the Africa page of this blog. I will be updating this blog as much as possible while I am away, but it's not certain how often we will have internet access. Our leaders will also be updating our facebook trip page with stories and pictures, so make sure you like it! And.... one more :) I made my mom an administrator of the facebook group I created for the trip and she will be posting updates when she hears from me. You are more than welcome to join! Don't be shy!
My brain is all over the place and I can't think of everything else I was going to say, so I'm going to stop rambling and do some homework. I would love to answer any questions you may have, though! Leave a comment, send me an email, text, facebook message, randomly show up at my house... :) Really, though, I love questions!
Thank you so much for all the encouragement, support, and prayer! It's amazing to have so many people invest in the work God has called me to this summer!
"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." (Galatians 5:1) Paul, in writing this, was telling the Gentile believers to stop striving for salvation and righteousness by following the Law, the Law being the rules set forth by God for the Israelites before the coming of Jesus. Before Jesus came, the Law was the only means of justification, but when Christ died for our sins, He introduced grace as our means of salvation. "For it is by grace you have been saved, by faith - and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast." (Ephesians 2:8-9) Now that Jesus had died for their sins, all the Gentiles (and Jews, for that matter) had to do was believe in Him to be saved and made righteous. They could not follow the Law perfectly, nor did they need to because they had already been saved by God's grace, through faith.
Even though Christ had set them free, some of the Gentile believers were enslaved because the Jewish Christians convinced them that they must follow the Law to the letter as well - that grace wasn't enough. For the Gentile Christians, the pressure to be righteous in the eyes of the Jews was enslaving. The Gentile Christians did not need to follow the Law to be righteous because their sins were forgiven and they were no longer condemned. "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering. And so He condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit." (Romans 8:1-4) The Gentile Christians felt the pressure of the Jewish Christians' condemnation, but Christ did not condemn them.
Living as a slave after being set free by Christ didn't stop with those first Gentile believers. It seems obvious that Christ meant us to be free when He set us free, but the truth is, we don't always live like we are free. We let fear, doubt, sin, anger, pain, sickness, death, envy, deceit, addictions, guilt, lies about who we are in Christ and who God is, and countless other things enslave us. We are not meant to be burdened by these. We are not meant to be slaves to these. Christ set us free so that we would be free! More than just setting us free, Christ sent His Spirit to live within us, giving us the power and authority to overcome the things that enslave us, through Him, if we would only ask.
If you are in Christ, you are free and He wants you to live freely. Today I am asking myself, Where am I still chained, where am I burdened? If we are aware of our chains, we can cast them off by the power of the Holy Spirit because Christ has already set us free.
"Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." Be resolute in your freedom and give your burdens to Christ, in whom you are free. God did not create us to be enslaved, nor did Christ set us free to live as captives. All the same, we have a choice every second of our lives - to be enslaved or to be free. It's never too late to give our burdens to Christ and be free, He is abounding in grace and His love is never-ending and unconditional.
Choose freedom, friends.
Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.
"I am free to dance, I am free to sing, I am free to live for You, I am free. Who the Son sets free is free indeed."
Together: in one gathering, in relationship, in unity
This word encompasses so much, but I want to focus on what it means when we lack physical proximity. Jordan is going to Africa with me. She lives in Alaska, where I have never been, a place far away from Edmonds. She goes to a school with a bell schedule I don't understand, rolls down the windows of her car when it's 40 degrees because it's so warm, and takes beautiful pictures of a snowy landscape I hope to see with my own eyes one day.
Even though I would have to drive for two days without stopping to reach her house from mine and we have never met face to face, we are together because Jordan walks with my heart. Through difficulty, through pain, through joy, in laughter, Jordan is only a text, facebook message, or skype call away with togetherness, encouragement, and prayer humbly offered. I found a sister in Christ and a sister of my heart in Jordan. On June 11th, I finally get to meet her and be together with her for two months. So exciting! Until then, and after August 2nd, we are together even still, together in friendship and in Jesus.
Philippians 1:3-6 "I thank my God every time I remember you.In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."
Driving home from school, I heard this on the radio:
In light of eternity, each of our earthly lives begins and ends in the blink of an eye. On average, one blink takes 0.3 seconds. That's a little over 3 millionths of one 24-hour day. Most people blink more than 15,000 times a day, but we blink reflexively and so quickly that we hardly ever notice. Basic idea: a blink of an eye is an extremely short amount of time.
Have you ever observed a child being told that a gnat only lives for a few weeks? I was that child once, and I was shocked at the news. How could a gnat do anything worthwile in such a short lifetime? Well, our perception of time is relative. A few weeks seems short next to the average human lifespan, but even if I lived to be 110, my life would hardly be a speck in the timeline of eternity.
All the same, there's a reason I'm alive for the blink of an eye. God has a mission for me and He called my name long before I learned how to breathe.
How much time do I spend doing worthless things? Every second, we have the opportunity to further the Kingdom and give God glory. The only things that matter in eternity are the things of God. I have been given this life to live for the blink of an eye and I want to do something worthwhile with it. I want to go on the Father's mission and play a part in changing other people's eternities. I want to leave a legacy and not waste this life. In the blink of an eye, my life on earth will be over and I will be closer to our Father than I have ever been.
I tend to lean toward the logical and intellectual side. I love to think about problems and mysteries until I find a solution or an answer. I love the feeling of finally grasping a concept, but the things that hold my attention and make me stand in awe are things I will never understand.
My mind often lingers on how God is outside of time and space. How does that even work? Everything I know of this world is constrained by time and space. In the beginning, God was there, before time. Right now, at 6:24 pm on Sunday, April 1st, 2012, God is here, but He is outside of time. One day, time will end and God will still be there. He is the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. (Revelations 21:6)
Furthermore, God sees it all. He sees the past, the present, the future.
I have been feeling incompetent, lately. Some days have flown by without me stopping and taking the time to have a real conversation with my Daddy and then I lose sight of Him in my daily life. I am not perfect, I am unworthy, but for some reason, He won't give up on me. He loves me.
Today, He told me that He sees all of me. Of course, I knew that. If you had asked me yesterday, if God sees all of me, I would have said, "Absolutely! He sees my thoughts, my motives, the darkest parts of my heart, every good thing He has ingrained in me". I missed part of what that means, though. He doesn't only see me as I am right now. He sees my past, my present, and my future.
I can sit here and think about all I could be and how much I wish I could become who I really want to be, a person who is completely in love with Jesus, follows Him wherever He leads her without question, who loves well as the Master does. I could go on and on. The trouble is, that's not who I am. At least, that's not how I see myself now. It is my hope that I will grow into that person. God, on the other hand, never says, "I wish you would become _____ because that's actually what I want and it's my plan for you, but I just don't know if you'll ever get there." He sees everything I will be. To Him, that is part of who I am.
Take my past, my present, and my future, mash it all together, and that is who I am. I am not just a sinner, I am redeemed. I fall again and again, but He picks me up and sets me back on my feet. He doesn't only see the good in me and he doesn't only see the sin in me. In my best moments, He knows my sin and in my worst moments, He sees what I will be along with the present. He sees it all, and together, it creates a beautiful picture of His love and grace and mercy.
He sees all of me. Every part of me from my beginning to my end. I find such a glorious hope and peace in that knowledge.
This is one of my favorites, a little like "Revelation Song".
Pain. It's something every one of us experiences and no one genuinely enjoys. There are countless circumstances that cause us pain. Maybe you're in pain because of a medical condition or an accident. Maybe you've been hurt emotionally by your church, your family, your friends. Maybe you're going through a divorce or have lost a family member. Would you choose pain if you had the option of living a completely pain-free life? My immediate reaction is "Absolutely not! Are you kidding? You'd have to be crazy to choose pain!".
In November, I rededicated my life to Christ and, as I seek Him, He has revealed a lot to me about the pain that had been slowly strangling me. I felt betrayed, rejected, abandoned, unloved, alone, dirty, desperate, hopeless for years and I kept my mouth shut because the devil trapped me in overwhelming fear of how people would react if I dared to bare my heart. I was confused and lost, wandering down a very dark path, suffering from depression and eventually seriously considering taking my own life.
Throughout all of that, I asked a lot of questions like "Why is this happening? Where is God? Doesn't He care? Have I been believing a lie? Because it seems to me that God either isn't good or doesn't exist". I couldn't answer any of those at the time, but now God had healed my broken heart and given me new perspective.
We experience pain because we live in a fallen world. Our own sins and the sins of every human to ever walk the earth cause pain. Humans lie, cheat, steal, kill, humiliate, reject, fail to love. Sin and pain are inseparable. God would have to do away with sin to eradicate pain, but sin is the expression of our free will - the choice God gives us to choose or reject Him. After death, followers of Christ will live forever with God in heaven, where there is no pain because there isn't any sin. "He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." (Revelation 21:4) Jesus paid the price on the cross to defeat sin and pain once and for all, but we still have to choose Him. God would never force Himself on us - that's not a relationship. He wants each of us to have an intimate relationship with Him, to love Him with all our heart, mind, soul, and strength as He loves us.
Have you ever felt that God doesn't understand your pain? It's easy to say, but it's not true in the slightest. When Jesus died on the cross, he took on not only the sins of the world, but all the pain that goes with it as well. Take your pain and multiply it by 7 billion and you'll have a better idea of what Jesus suffered. Still, that's only an approximate of the livinghuman population! Billions more have walked the earth before us and perhaps billions more will come after us depending on when Jesus comes back. Yeah, I'm pretty sure God understands my pain. Actually, it's amazing that He cares about me and my tiny drop in the ocean of pain at all.
God loves each of us beyond our comprehension. As I look back on those hard years, I see that He never left for a moment. He was always there whispering, nudging, using people to lead me back home. I was just too blinded by fear and lies to see it until later. God has used my pain to give me understanding, perspective, love, and empathy. God has a purpose for the pain each of us endures. Paul says in Romans 8:28, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." He makes beautiful things out of us. I pray that you will surrender to God and let Him meet you in the pain you hold inside to bring comfort, joy, and healing into your life. He is the great Redeemer, Rescuer, and Restorer.
I choose to surrender, "to know the lasting joy, even sharing in [His] pain".
